Pondering the Process

We have been blogging for many years and have decided that we need a new space for sharing in our "4th quarter" of life. Going back through our journal entries to see what we have gleaned from the process. In 2017 we were preparing to move into a 24 ft. travel trailer, where we would travel and live full time.

December 18, 2017 - C. Bacon

As we get rid of all of our furniture, many family "heirlooms" and just about everything one needs to live in a house, we are looking for the deeper feelings of this process - something that resides below the stress and exhaustion. Up until now that is about all we have felt but we know there must be something going on at a deeper level. We have read about folks feeling freer and lighter but that has not happened for us yet. I think we are staying too busy to feel the deeper feelings - the emotions of what is going on here. We are going to miss the greater blessings of this process if we don't find a way to be present with what we are doing. This whole process is a big deal - a huge transition and we are missing it because we are focusing on getting from here to there - way down the road somewhere. What about today? What about now? But that has been a ongoing challenge - being present because as my sister, Sherry, used to say "Today is the gift" -living in the now so we don't miss it before it's gone. We only get this one shot at today. 

Sometimes we have emotion around a particular item. Yesterday a bedroom wardrobe that we have owned for over 25 years left. I spent hours painting that wardrobe when we were going through a difficult time. There was a lot of anger and emotion in that paint job LOL. It felt like there should have been a little ceremony or something, but we are too busy to take notice of things like that. I did break down when my beautiful hydrangeas left but at least I can go visit them. And I am having difficulty parting with a pair of moccasins that Larry bought for me about 30 years ago with holes starting to show on the underside. Oh, did I mention that he just bought me a similar pair. I am more attached to those shoes than many things we are parting with LOL. I think it is because they have been part of my life for so long. 

We have downsized before and are currently living in about 900 square feet, which is pretty small by comparison, but after the first of the year we will move into 190 square feet. It is difficult sorting and deciding what to keep and what not to keep. We have pretty much passed off anything that anyone else wants. Being in our 60's and 70's certainly has a bearing on this process. We are getting rid of more than we would if we were in our 50's. Sometimes it sort of feels like we have already passed away and someone else is going through our "stuff". Actually, thinking about that does help our decision making sometimes. It has been a very interesting and educational process. Since we need the money for this transition we are finding ways to sell most everything we own and we have been blessed because so many items have already left for their new homes. I have tossed out items that we have been hauling around for years and years - items that no one else wants. Now that I think about that, it feels pretty good. I have about 3 more small boxes to go through. One big project was all of the recipes and cookbooks but I am realizing that I will never live long enough to cook all of those recipes. It took me two times of going through them but I finally whittled them down to just a few. I have one more pile to go through. I want the meal preparation part of our lives to be simpler and healthier, too. Well, as much as I would like to continue this conversation. We have to meet someone back at the house around 10:15 who will pick up a huge load of driftwood. As some of you know we had huge amounts of dried driftwood for our Etsy business. We went through it all and discarded all of the big pieces. We simply cannot keep them all - no place to store them. We packed them into boxes and hope that someone will come take them to a new home or they will soon become firewood.

Larry will give notice when he pays our rent today. I look around and think "can we get moved, have a couple of sales and have the house and yard all cleaned up in a month?" OMG, I hope so, but when I look around I must say I have my doubts..... that is where some of the stress is coming from. All we can do is keep chipping away at our projects but wanting to also take time to feel the deeper emotions of this process. I talked to someone a couple of days ago who said they had so much stuff in their motor home they felt buried sometimes and we don't want to do that! We want to take our longing for minimalism into our new home with us. We want to live a simpler life on so many levels with more time for just being, reading, fishing, bike rides, canoeing..... I have this image in my mind of sitting in front of the trailer at Klamath Wilderness Area on a warm afternoon, looking off at the distant hills, smelling newly mowed hay, listening to geese in the distance and maybe a frog our two, an occasional plane flying over and just sitting there taking it all in.